5 weeks - or when I hit the wall....

I've been wanting to do a post about all the things people (and books) told me that would (or would not happen) and how, for me and this pregnancy, it was just not true. The most recent has been hitting the wall between 4 and 5 weeks. Everyone told me that the first 2-3 weeks would be the hardest. Well, not for me.

I am not sure what happened this week. I know that the weather changed and I have not been able to get out for a walk every day. Allan gets home after dark and the snow and ice have also kept me indoors. My gym membership is on hold till March but I am going to reactivate in February after I see my Dr next week and get an all clear. I did go out an run 2 miles in 10 degree weather on Thursday night - it was the best part of my day. Clearly I NEED the physical exertion to maintain my sanity.

Let's review all the things "people say":
1. Morning sickness will be gone by 12 weeks, 20 at the latest. Um, nope, I continued to be sick my entire pregnancy - even with Zofran helping, I was nauseous for 10 months solid. I threw up my entire labor.

2. You will gain a ton of weight, it will take 9 months to get it off. Again, nope - I topped out at 23lbs and FOUGHT for every one. I was below my pre-pregnancy (PP) weight at 10 days post baby and have since leveled off right around where I was PP. I need to firm up and do want to lose the 10-15lbs that I wanted to lose before I got pregnant (to be fabulous at 40), but that is another story.

3. First time Mom's have slow labor and you will push for 2-3 hours. Try 12 minutes and a resident telling me "not to push" while they tried to get the room set up in time.

4. It will take you a while to bounce back after having the baby. I felt better 2 weeks post baby than I had for pretty much the entire pregnancy. So much for the idea of "Irish twins". Mentally, I can't handle the thought of getting pregnant again. I don't want to wait very long since 40 is looming in June. Even hitting the wall this week, it is better than being pregnant.

5. Babies poop up to 6 times a day. Only ONE day so far have we had more than one poop in a day. Usually it is more like every 24-36 hours (which is supposed to be fine). Thank you lactation consultant for completely stressing me out over this one.

I am listing out the above only because I need to keep reminding myself to not believe any of the the things that *they say*. It just gets my hopes up for the crash. The two that are looming right now are:

1. Babies *peak* in fussiness at 6 weeks. Henry is definitely getting more fussy and I was telling myself that I could deal with it since the *peak* is coming. Then I thought, why should ANYTHING follow conventional wisdom.....fingers crossed that this one does.

2. Every pregnancy is different. See above #4 and the "Irish Twins - I am old" debate. I don't want to wait too long to try again and am actually ready to get the "all clear" from the Dr. next week (again, I feel better now than for most of my pregnancy). I am just terrified that I won't get pregnant again and also terrified of what could happen if I do? What if the next pregnancy is WORSE! gah!

Sleep deprivation is an ugly thing. I am getting enough sleep that I feel like I should be ok, but it really smacked me down this week. I fell down the stairs (more than once), get really emotional (my anxiety over things like dishes in the sink is brutal), have parked the car and walked away with it running, and I drop EVERYTHING (except the baby, Thank God). I was supposed to go for a late lunch today with a friend but am going to cancel. I don't have the motor skills to drive in the snow right now. I noticed not being able to focus well yesterday while driving in good conditions. I need to not take chances.
Even River is exhausted....


Wednesday I woke up with what I now think was a migraine (I got sick, light hurt my eyes, I literally could not get out of bed and had to let Henry cry for 30 minutes while I waited for Advil + Tylenol to kick in). It was scary. I could have called a neighbor, but I was literally not functioning well enough to think! Also this week, I felt like I might be starting with Postpartum Depression. I am TERRIFIED of this given my family history of PPD and SAD and my own history of depression (and self diagnosed anxiety issues). Thank God I woke up on Thursday feeling better. Today I also feel OK, even with MORE wake up calls last night. One more reason I NEED to get to the gym.

Here is the good news:
1. I still think Henry is the cutest thing around, he is healthy and growing. I think I started seeing a smile this week (it was intentional and repeated 2-3 times). I am hoping to see it more, even though it makes me cry. He bats at his toys and is awake and alert more of the day.

2. I am feeling good physically. I fit into my clothes (even with muffin top). With my sister in town over the weekend, I had my hair cut and reblonded. It made a huge difference in how I feel about myself.

3. I have amazing friends. PEO did a food drive on Sunday which literally SAVED me. Someone came over yesterday with two bags of food from Whole Foods and a baby present. More food is coming on Sunday. I love to cook, but this week pulled the rug out from under me and having meals in the fridge and freezer saved me.

4. I have amazing family who will drop everything and fly out if I say I need them.

5. Allan is an amazing man who I love and trust my my whole heart. I love how we are still trying to take care of each other.

6. Spring break trip to Phoenix/Sedona is booked (using points)! Just working on details now.

7. Hospital bills started coming (yikes - 4 days in NICU!). I am thankful that we can pay them (even though I will still stress about money).

8. I found a babysitter who will work for this spring till Allan is off for the summer. I am ready to start going back to work part time in Feb. Things are BUSY at the office:)

This week I want to focus on working Henry's sleeping schedule (within reason), taking more pictures, and writing down thoughts at least every other day.

My current obsession is trying to decide if I should go to Mexico (with Henry) in late Feb. I can mostly use miles to fly and have a free place to stay. Henry's passport has been applied for, the pediatrician gave the all clear. Why am I hesitating?

Welcome to the World, Baby Boy

I took this picture last night and had intended to have a blog post titled "Induction Attempt #2" today since eggplant parmigiana is a time honored southern tradition for starting labor. We went to Topo Gigio on Wells after a basketball game and had our *last* dinner as a couple. I had been feeling a little weird all day but as Allan had been saying to me "you feel weird all the time", so I did not think much about it. I did feel the need to clean up before going to bed and throw stuff away, try to tie up some loose ends via email, etc.

As normal, I did not sleep well. Lights out at 11:30, up to pee at 1:30. I was lying in bed, listening to Allan snore and felt something *funny* and then felt lots of liquid. I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom where it felt like I was peeing out a gallon of water. Totally clear, did not smell, I just kept peeing. Even after I was done, I kept leaking. Yes, my water had broken. Allan and I called the Dr., packed up, made a few (dog related) phone calls, walked the dog, and were at Prentice an hour later. I was definitely having contractions, but nothing terrible or that painful. I NEVER would have gone in to L&D or even called a Dr for these contractions, even though they were about 5 minutes a part.


We were checked into triage, they established my water had broken, and we were put in a room, waiting for a room on the L&D floor. The good/amazing news is that MY Dr. was the Dr. on call for the practice and he was going to be the one to deliver me!:) Happy Days! Unfortunately, the storm that came into town had also brought many other women into labor and our short wait for a room, turned into a three hour wait. This would have been fine except my nausea came back with a vengeance after my water broke. I finally ended up taking one of my own zofran (the nurses wanted me to wait to get upstairs), but it was to late. Before I was sent up stairs, they established that my cervix was dilated to 2cm - up from the 1 it has been for the last 10 days.:(

We made it to the L&D floor at about 5:00am. The Dr. came in and started me on Pitocin. I was a little against this but understood his reasoning, we needed to get the contractions going more consistently to get the baby out of me since my water had broken. I had been told,....if they do anything to speed up your labor, get the epidural first. (good advice, take it if you are ever in this situation). I actually asked about an epidural at that point but was not in much pain so the Dr said to wait. Things progressed and by 7, I wanted the epidural. It was weird, it was not that I could not tolerate the pain, it was that I did not want to. Part of it was that there was no end in sight. The other thing was that my blood pressure had been VERY high since I was in triage and there were concerns regarding pre-eclampsia. The whole point of waiting for an epidural was that I would be able to move around, they were worried about pre-e so I was not allowed to get out of bed.

Unfortunately, by the time I asked, someone else was in line ahead of me and by the time they were in the room and setting up, it was 8:00am, I was VERY uncomfortable, and spent most of the process throwing up. Not pretty. Allan was kicked out and I told him to go get some breakfast and take a walk. He later told me that he was scared by the sounds I as making when he left. The good news is that I thought the epidural was GRAND, and felt soooo much better and in a nicer mood. Then nurse upped the pitocin and I was very bummed to hear that I was still only at 2cm at 9:00am when they checked me.

I spent the morning in a daze, watching tv, looking out the window, talking on the phone a little. At 9:00am I realized (or processed) what they were telling me. While my water had broken, my body was not ready to go into labor and that was why they were really pushing the pitocin. Essentially, they were forcing my body into labor. I was also made to realize that this would be a LONG process. At that point, my goal became to have the baby before 5:00pm when my Dr. went off call and a new Dr. would deliver me. It was determined that the baby was "happier" if I as on my left side, so I pretty much hung out there and felt my legs getting numb.

I sent Allan out to get some food before noon and walk around. A new nurse came on shift at noon and we talked a little about the process. Again, I settled in for a long term, first pregnancy labor. Allan got back at about 12:20 and we hung out. The medical student came in, and at about 12:30 a resident came in to introduce herself and check my progress, which I thought was great. I had been told they don't check you that much because there is some risk of infection - which made sense, I just wanted to know if I had made any progress since 9:00am. The nurse had told me at noon that they would wait for me to tell them when things felt different....which I thought was crazy, because I had an epidural! I had a hard time shifting around in bed so she could check. Things had been feeling a little different for the prior 30 minutes, but I figured it was just the contractions getting stronger. I could feel the baby getting lower and the nurse had to keep moving the monitors down.

The poor resident started to check me and pretty much went white. She asked how I felt and when I said ok, she said that I was 10cm dilated and she could see the baby's hair. It pretty much started a crazy fire drill where they told me not to push (it now felt like I needed to) while they found the nurse, Dr and got things set up. By 12:45 they had me ready to go, less than 4 sets of three pushes later, Henry was born at 12:58pm! 7lbs, 15oz, 20.5 inches. Lots of black hair!

Self-Induction Attempt #1

Pineapple! I have heard that eating fresh pineapple is one way to self induce. Since I like pineapple.....I figure why not!

It was a great addition to our breakfast of bacon and chocolate chip pancakes. I told Allan that all meals from now on need to include either a fruit or a veggie. For some reason, this has been hard lately (even thought it should not be).

Trying to stay healthy, one meal at a time.....

To the three people who read my blog....any other tips to self induce? I have heard:
eggplant parmigsain
McDonalds Big Mac with extra special sauce
castor oil (yuck, no thanks)
crawl around like a baby/clean on your hands and knees
sex
spicy food - can't do it with the nausea and heartburn.

I am ready to go at this point!

Thankful for Thursday

Wednesday is my busiest day of the week so when Thursday rolls in, I am usually thankful. Partly because I don't have to be at work till 4pm! A big part of this is because I am still scaling back for the impending baby landing. I need to remember that I am NOT lazy, just getting ready. Exciting plans for the morning include: laundry, cleaning, picking up crap, etc. Then off to meet Amy for the One of a Kind show at the Merchandise Mart before heading to work.

It has been an interesting week so far. Baby was VERY active most of Sunday, Monday and 1/2 of Tuesday. Then he went almost silent - to the point that I had to lay in bed on Wed morning and actually feel for kicks. At that same time, I got crampy, crabby, and pretty sick. I thought it might be the calm before the storm but slept GREAT Tuesday night and last night and am feeling really good today. We shall see.

Yesterday I took some 37 week pictures in the guest bathroom (19 lbs gained). I am constantly impressed by both my mad blogging and photography skills. *snort* I have also decided that ALL pictures of me need to be taken from above (compare the picture from Sunday night with the ones here).

These "front" shots kinda mystify me. I feel huge but don't even really think I look pregnant in them....must be a combo of the black (slimming) and photography angle (super slimming:).


NOW I see it! People at work yesterday were saying I looked bigger and lower. Hopefully I can keep this baby cooking for another 7-10 days!

Cyber Monday/37 weeks

Look at those chubby cheeks! Yikes! I am a little puffy today and have also been embarking on carb-a-palooza so I can look forward to being puffy for at least another day at this point.

Saturday night ended up being very fun. We had a fast dinner at Taco Joint (Armitage and Halsted). It was reasonable for a "sit down" taco place and I enjoyed my elote and taco salad. Allan said his gordita was fabulous, but the taco of the day was "meh". The margaritas were also good (by report).

We then headed off to Century City to see The Descendants with George Clooney. Even though we bought tickets at home online, when we got into the theater (15 minutes before the start time of the show), it was COMPLETELY packed. I have never seen a theater so full, or one that was oversold for that matter. We ended up at My Week With Marilyn instead. The girls loved it, I think the boys were "ok" with the choice. But at that point, there were limited options and we had already purchased snacks for a movie! Michelle Williams is amazing.

Yesterday (Sunday). We got more "stuff" done and C&D came over to watch the Bears game. Here is what I remember about the game:
Cutler was out and Bears need a better backup quarterback
the weather looked better in Oakland than it did in Chicago
River continually "crop dusted" us as we watched the game.

After the game we headed out to The Publican for dinner with another group. Allan said it was the best meal of the year. I don't know if I would say best meal, but it was in the top 5 for sure. Everything was amazing. Highlights (for the non fish eater) were the hanger steak, ham plate, duck, and chocolate tart. Apparently the oysters and sturgeon were also amazing. I hope that we can take my parents there when they visit over Christmas in a month.

I read somewhere that women get "cranky" before labor starts. If that is the case, watch out! On the other hand, I was woken up by a bunch of cranky people yelling at each other outside my window this morning, so it could just be that as well.

Turkey Day and Beyond.....

If there are pictures associated with this post, than I will actually have FOUND the cord which connects the camera to my computer. Let's all hope. It's been a fun weekend so far but here is what I have been thinking about:
baby
labor
baby
sleep
baby

We have had a good weekend so far. Thanksgiving started off with Allan running an 8k turkey trot with his friend while I hung out with the wife and kids in Lincoln Park. Allan ran a respectable 48:29 and his friend CRUSHED the race with a 39:45. Yikes! He had said his goal was to beat 40 minutes since he turned 40 this year. Wow. I can't wait to run the race next year with the goal of "run the whole thing".

We had grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and then headed home for a nap before heading out to "the LF" for dinner. Being pregnant has its advantages, we were asked to bring "bread" SCORE! The food was awesome. My favorite part was the sweet potatoes with marshmallows. yum, yum. We came home and created a ginormous list for the weekend before crashing to sleep. I brought my camera but did not take pictures since it seemed everyone else was...but now I have none to post. *fail*
River has no problem relaxing.....

Allan called yesterday relaxing and while we did nap, I was really happy with the fact that we (I) was able to start working through the list. I am not sure if this is some sort of crazy nesting response, but it made me feel happy to get stuff done. I ended up taking my car to the dealer for two *minor* recalls and an oil change. About an hour after we left the dealer, they called me and told me I could not have my car back. One of the recalls was for the sunroof and mine was "the worst they had seen yet". The long and short is/was that my car is not road safe and they can't give it back to me till it is fixed and currently sunroofs are backordered nationally....so I have a loner for the duration that requires me to either fold Allan in half or chop off his legs for a drive more than 30 minutes.

We had lunch at The Counter (yum), rented MI:III (in preparation for Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol which we want to see in December), and did some Black Friday shopping at CVS (this is about all the shopping I can handle). At home we continued to work on the list and ended up watching Limitless with Bradley Cooper, which was fine for a free movie, but I was glad we had not paid for it.

Lazy day today (Saturday) so far. I am off to go hang curtains in the baby's room and work on more shopping for Allan since his birthday falls right after Christmas. I feel that I need to be prepared for both early this year.

In more random thoughts: the blogger I posted about in "Do People Lie About What They Eat?" has suddenly started posting some less than stellar food choices (or things that are "normal"). Do I think she read my blog? not a chance! I just think it is a funny and weird coincidence.

Another running blogger I follow who has been pregnant had her baby. She has been BIG and measuring ahead the entire pregnancy and went full term (over 37 weeks) but had a smaller baby (under 7lbs). I was surprised. Should I be?

I cried this morning when I worked on packing my hospital bag. Stressed? Yes! Part of me can't wait to get this baby out, the other part is FREAKING OUT!

We are headed out later to pick up our crib and will likely have another fun filled night on the couch. The excitement never ends!

Half and Half Coffee

I told my sister on the way to work today that I made half and half coffee (half coffee, half 1/2 and 1/2). I was not paying attention this morning and had a slight "overpour". Yum. At this point, dairy continues to be my main source of calories so I am not worried. Both the dog AND I were sick this morning. Here is hoping that Allan can survive unscathed. Today, one of my biggest fears is that I continue to feel sick most of the time after the baby comes. I know this is not realistic but it is still a fear.

Took some 36 week pregnancy photos this morning. Check out my "fake it till you make it" smile. I am clearly NOT any sort of professional photographer and had not washed my hair - but at least I am TRYING!:)



ok - off to find out if my 9:45 is merely late or not showing up. If they no show I am not going to be happy because I have a HUGE hole in my schedule and did not bring enough stuff to do today.

I am thankful for:
1. The fact that River seems to be feeling better and is eating again.
2. Milk - it does my body good (during this pregnancy at least).
3. half and half coffee
4. The book "The Night Circus" - I am still loving it.

Super Saturday!

These days, I pretty much don't sleep past 7:00 because I wake up nauseus and need to eat something to settle my stomach (mostly because I really don't eat much at night). This 7:00am wake up call is actually the second one. Usually the first is between 2:30 and 3:30 when I have to pee and then can't sleep, so end up reading in bed for an hour our so. At this point, if I get good sleep between when I fall asleep (between 10-11) and the 2:30-3:30 wake up call, I am happy. Last night, I redboxed Captain America and (I) fell asleep during the point at which blue stuff was injected into the lead actor (Charlie?).

I made cinnamon rolls (undercooked) for breakfast and also cooked the last of the pancetta in the oven. Allan came down and was VERY happy. I tried to take a picture of his breakfast: honeycomb cereal, mountain dew, cinnamon roll but my camera battery is dead. He has now been gone for a few hours to see the trainer, get gas, do a costco run......and generally avoid the list here at the house.

I've been busy with trying to fill up all the garbage cans available to me, clean off the balcony, organize stuff and do laundry. My trick is to set the kitchen timer and work for an hour on my feet, then take a break. It is amazing to me that I NEED a break after an hour. I was ready to sit down when I heard the timer. After an hour off my feet (seven thank you notes and some web surfing), I am ready to get back up....but may not make it an hour. LOTS going on in the belly today!:)

We had an EARLY dinner at Geja's (thanks to a groupon). It was great and the interior is so dark that you can't tell what time it is, or what the weather might be like outside for that matter. I *knew* we could split one "meal" but ended up ordering the cheese and chocolate package for me and a full meal for Allan (including meat). Fondue is GOOD but heavy. We were done eating by the time the meal was over. It was fun to have a "date" dinner before the baby and pretend to be romantic.


After dinner we headed out to see the Immortals at City North 14. While I am glad we went to a movie, it may or may not have been worth $30 (2x 3D movie tickets + parking). We put in Captain America and it put me to sleep AGAIN! I may ask for a copy of the movie for Christmas to use as a sleep aid.

You Know You are Pregnant When....

I bought a new waterproof matress pad becuse I have a tempurpedic mattress and am terrified my water is going to break in bed and ruin it (costing me millions). It took me no less than 15 minutes to change out the mattress pad and change the sheets this morning. I was so exhausted afterwards I had to lie down for another 15 minutes to recover.

epic fail

Cool and rainy here today. I am off to do some errands (office max, petco, ulta) before seeing some kids this afternoon.

Decaf coffee from Starbucks on the Clover machine is rocking my world today.....

East Coast Baby Shower/32 weeks

I was in NOVA (Northern Virginia) this past weekend for my "East Coast Baby Shower" which was hosted by my Aunt Edith and cousins Elizabeth and Sarah. My Aunt Edith lives in a beautiful house on the Chesapeake Bay. I loved everything from the invitations (shaped like baby bibs) to the food to the company. There were no games (thank goodness) but an activity where people wrote messages on diapers for Allan and I to read while changing the baby at 2:00am. I am sure the diapers and messages will come in handy in the near future!

It was fun to see family and friends that I don't see as often since I live in the midwest. I am constantly amazed by the generosity of my family and friends. It is overwhelming to me at times how much I have received in the past year. I have always tried to be honestly generous with my time and money, this year, I feel that generosity has come back to me tenfold. Feeling truly blessed may be the biggest gift of all. My only real regret is that I did not get a picture of myself with my hostesses. Instead I am going to post one of me and my desserts!:)

The other major highlight of the weekend was seeing my sister's new house in Arlington. To say that I have house envy is an understatement, but I am going to work to be happy with what I have (which is A LOT).

My parents left for two weeks in Paris the night of my shower and I am thrilled that they are spending time in such a fabulous city. If I could have a second home anywhere in the world, it would be in Paris. Love, love, love.

In other pregnancy news, I gained a pound this week (as of 10/25) and am up to 14lbs gained for the pregnancy. I changed OB's and feel really comfortable with my new choice. After seeing my medical records from my previous OB, I am considering my options. At best, there was some negligence involved and I need to do some research on where to direct a letter. I know that nothing will happen for me, but if something happens to someone else in the future, I want my concerns to be on record. Even with scripts for zofran prescribed by the new Dr. I am still sick almost every other day an have issues with nausea. At this point, I figure I can deal with 8 more weeks.

Monday/30 weeks

Yeah Monday!

I need to learn to get up with Allan in the morning when I am "up". While I think I did a lot today and am pretty happy with everything, I wish I had gotten up with him and gotten EVEN more done!:) The good news is that the house is ready for the cleaning lady tomorrow.

Did some errands, saw some kids, normal Monday. The bummer is that I only gained .02lbs this week. I am now on the VERY low end of weight gain for the pregnancy. I hope to gain a pound this week to stay on track. The baby is kicking a lot though and my stomach is getting lots bigger so I guess all is well.

The highlight was dinner with my neighbor A. We walked into the square and had dinner at Trattoria Trullo. With the help of my trusty zofran, I ate a piece of bread and FOUR ravioli! woot! It was really fun to sit and catch up with a good friend. I really appreciate my friends (more and more) and am so thankful for them.

Whiny Wednesday

I had my 28 week OB apt today. The good news is that I am measuring ahead (at 30 weeks). The bad news is that I had another terrible experience at the office. I started the "meet the other doctors" visits today. Unfortunately, I was not feeling well and ended up pretty sick at the office. It started in the exam room and I then ran to the bathroom when I realized that my entire stomach was coming back up.

When I got back to the exam room, the Dr was waiting and seemed pissed off at ME for making her wait!! Should I have thrown up on her shoes? At this point, the visit progressed along the lines where I asked a question, it was not really answered, and she NEVER LOOKED AT MY FACE! Really, this woman could not have picked me out of a line up 5 minutes later. She seriously stared at my knee while I was asking her for any more info on what false labor felt like or how do I know when things are not ok? grrrr If this person was brought in to deliver me, I would be VERY upset. I'd take a resident over her.

At this point I am exploring my options to switch OB's while I still (hopefully) can.

Back to Reality

The trouble with getting in so late on Sunday night/Monday morning was that I was a mess yesterday. I was so tired when when we got home that I pretty much lost it and threw up all over the courtyard and then again when we got into the house. It is a bummer to have so little control over my body and exhaustion levels. Somewhat humbling to have to keep pulling the reins back and try to slow down:(.

Now today, Tuesday, I definitely feel funky. When I stand up and walk around, it feels like someone is squeezing my belly. Not really pain but uncomfortable. Makes me nervous. I got through the day and have been planted on the couch, blogging, watching TV and hanging out. I would call the Dr but have an appointment tomorrow morning and figure I can ride it out till then.

The other weird thing is that after I fell on the boat (I will try to take a picture of my bruise tomorrow), the baby totally changed position and feels MUCH different. More kicking, I can feel more movement, very different. I am not sure if that has anything to do with the squeezing in my belly or if they are unrelated. Is it false labor? Should I be freaking out?

I am going to solve all these problems by going to bed!

Preggo - 26 weeks

I realized that I need to start documenting this pregnancy in SOME way so that if the baby wants to see what I looked like pregnant in the coming years I have something to show. In all honesty, I only really popped out a few weeks ago so before now, there has not been much to show.